I must confess that although I am a JRPG veteran, my experience with the Dragon Quest series is limited to one game: Dragon Quest VIII on the PS2. Thankfully–or unfortunately, depending on your point of view–Dragon Quest V – Hand of the Heavenly Bride for the Nintendo DS doesn’t deviate from the JRPG formula. Dragon Quest V is the second remake of a Dragon Quest game for the DS, virtually identical to its predecessor in every category. It has the same color art direction of Akira Toriyama (of Dragonball fame); the same 3D world structure with 2D sprites; the same tired, recycled plot (unlikely hero goes on adventure, meets new people, fights monsters, saves the world); and, if I’m not mistaken, some of the same music. Hardcore JRPG fans won’t likely be turned off by this, but mainstream gamers surely will.

The greatest flaw of Dragon Quest V–and all JRPGs, for that matter–is its reliance on tried-and-true gameplay mechanics and story structure. Surely anyone that plays RPGs will recognize this scenario: walk into a new town; explore every nook, cranny, and closet; talk to everyone; rest in the inn; buy new equipment and health items; level-grind in the area outside of town; then move on to a dungeon. Repeat this scenario ad nauseum for 40-plus hours and the most hard-headed gamer will be frustrated or bored (likely both). Dragon Quest V is guilty of this scenario repeat, forcing players to do the same tasks beyond the point of tedium.

The grind wouldn’t be so bad if the gameplay was fun, but sadly it is mediocre at best and DS-throwing aggravating at worst. Dragon Quest V is the most basic, mundane, punishing (you will die in this game), cookie-cutter RPG imaginable, with only a handful of interesting ideas to differentiate it from its RPG brethren. For instance, random enemies will sometimes offer to join your party. Enemy characters force you to rethink your fighting strategy once they join, but not much. Also, the story is the usual RPG save-the-world quest tale, but it did beat Fable to the punch by introducing a hero whom players control over the course of his life, marrying and having children between adventures. Interesting ideas to be sure, but they are not enough to save the game from mediocrity. At least there isn’t any objectionable material for Christian players-if after hours of laborious gameplay even that matters to you.

To be fair, this is a remake of a Super Famicom game (released only in Japan), so a graphics-only overhaul wouldn’t change the dated gameplay. I wish the developers had changed it, redesigning the game from the ground up. Get rid of the slow level-grinding, town exploration, by-the-numbers plot, and add some depth. I refuse to believe it is impossible to make a role-playing game that engages RPG fans and is fun and accessible to mainstream gamers. But in the case of a Nintendo DS remake of a classic RPG, I guess I’m asking for too much.

Dragon Quest V – Hand of the Heavenly Bride may be antiquated, but it isn’t without merit. Hardcore JRPG fans will eat it up, putting in countless hours leveling their party up to the max (which is necessary to beat the final boss, I’m afraid). Fans of western-developed RPGs like Mass Effect or the KOTOR games may wish to rent Dragon Quest V, if for no other reason than to get a hands-on look at gaming history. Everyone else should probably skip this one. Maybe Square Enix will give us something unique and original with the upcoming Dragon Quest IX, but my gut tells me otherwise.